The Inheritance of Pain between Daughters and Mothers in Manju Kapur’s Difficult Daughters

 

Aparna Kashyap ¹, Dr. Richa ²

 

¹ Research Scholar, Department of English, Patna University, Bihar, India

² Assistant Professor, Department of English, Patna College, Bihar, India

 

1. INTRODUCTION

Difficult Daughters, a novel by Manju Kapur provides a very interesting description of the life of three generations of women in India before and after independence. The novel at its heart is a discussion of the struggles that women can undertake as they seek to establish their individuality against the strict patriarchal societies. The lives of the characters, Kasturi, Virmati and Ida reflect the intricacies of female lives at a period when even the nation itself was experiencing tremendous change. These are all women who represent the various stages of India cultural development, and their own searches to assert themselves personally echo the political instabilities of the time.

The generational conflict between mothers and daughters forms the backbone of the narrative, highlighting the varying degrees of rebellion, sacrifice, and compromise. As Virmati navigates her education and desires for personal freedom, she faces resistance not only from her family but from societal expectations that confine women to traditional roles. As Kapur writes, "Virmati’s decision to refuse Inderjit and instead prefer a married man, Harish, is completely beyond any rationale for Kasturi. She wonders as to what kind of education could cause a girl to think and believe in such outrageous actions" Kapur (1998). This tension between Virmati and her mother illustrates the broader theme of generational conflict, as the younger generation seeks to break away from the constraints of tradition while the older generation clings to them. Furthermore, the novel connects the personal struggles of these women to the larger national struggle for independence Kahlon (2011). The fight for personal autonomy, especially for women, is presented as a microcosm of the country’s own fight for freedom. As Christopher Rollason suggests, "The search for control over one’s destiny, surely the key theme, refers to the independence aspired to and obtained by a nation (despite its cruel division by fateful partition), but also to the independence yearned after (and finally not obtained) by a woman" Rollason (2006). This dual narrative, blending personal and political struggles, emphasizes how women's quests for freedom were as tumultuous as the nation's fight for independence.

The novel, thus, serves as a critical exploration of how personal identities and national histories intertwine, especially for women trying to carve out their own space in a rapidly changing world. Through the experiences of Kasturi, Virmati, and Ida, Kapur not only paints a picture of personal rebellion but also underscores the societal transformations that shaped the experiences of women during this pivotal time in India’s history.

 

2. Feminine Struggles Across Generations

The dichotomous relationship of the mothers and daughters is focal in the story as it is indicative of the socio-political developments pre- and post-independence India. Kapur does this through the character arc of Kasturi, Virmati and Ida who struggle with their own form of woman-autonomy as they pass on the wound through generations and its manifestations in resistance to patriarchal norms vary. Kasturi, the eldest generation in the novel, epitomizes traditional values that enclose women to the domestic spaces whereas her daughter Virmati longs to get educated, independent and wants to live beyond the shadow imposed by her family. The extension of Independence Day - the rule of law - is described by Kapur in the following words:

"Kasturi’s entire life had been a sequence of sacrifices—sacrifices for her children, for the family name, and for the social codes that governed every aspect of her existence. She never once questioned these duties, but Virmati, in her rebellion, questioned everything" Kapur (1998).

This quote highlights Kasturi's unquestioning adherence to the societal expectations placed on her, as well as Virmati’s contrasting desire for personal freedom. Kasturi believes in fulfilling her role as a mother and wife without resistance, seeing it as a woman’s natural duty, while Virmati’s education and assertiveness represent a break from this tradition. The generational clash here signifies a larger transformation, from a society where women’s roles are fixed and unquestioned to a time when women begin to challenge these roles. Virmati's rebellion against her mother’s values is portrayed not only as a personal journey but also as a reflection of the social changes taking place in the larger world Rollason (2006). As she seeks higher education and an escape from her preordained life of marriage and motherhood, Virmati’s experiences parallel the struggles of an entire nation, on the verge of independence. The push for women's rights and social liberation in India coincides with the fight for the country’s political freedom. Virmati, in her pursuit of self-empowerment, faces resistance not only from her family but from society at large, which expects women to follow the traditional role of the dutiful daughter, wife, and mother. Kapur describes:

"Virmati had always wanted more than what was expected of her as a woman. The books she read, the conversations she had with professors, and the exposure to a world beyond the confines of her family all expanded her idea of what was possible. She wanted freedom, not just for herself, but for every woman who felt trapped in the web of social expectations" Kapur (1998).

In this scene Virmati struggles the most: the yen to embrace castrating freedom through education opposes traditional duty to live within the set limits of family life. It is clear the toll this rebellion has on Virmati as she is torn between where she wants to go in life and pleasing her mom. It is further seen as generational because Virmati turns her back on her mother and her motherly values she considers to be narrow and smothering.

In the novel, these generational conflicts demonstrate how being a woman in a different Jetton, Rose escapes the rigors of her past but not her predecessors’ desires. In refusing to ascribe to the values of her mother, Virmati is hypocritically freeing herself, but at the same time demonstrating that she is unable to escape the very issues her mother found herself in. And as the daughter of Virmati, Ida, says her piece much later in the novel:

"I realize now that my mother’s rebellion was not just against my grandmother’s ideas, but against the very fabric of a society that had placed limitations on her from the moment she was born. It wasn’t just about love or marriage or duty—it was about her own right to exist as something more than a daughter, more than a wife" Kapur (1998).

This reflection from Ida, which comes much later in the novel, is crucial for understanding the cyclical nature of the struggles for women’s autonomy in the narrative. It shows that the emotional burdens carried by Virmati and Kasturi are passed on to Ida, and that despite the passage of time, these struggles remain unresolved. However, it also signals an evolution in the understanding of female identity—from one that is restricted by societal norms to one that allows for more autonomy and choice, even if the process of achieving this autonomy is painful and fraught with sacrifice Agrawal (2004). The generational struggles in the novels not only illustrate the different stages of the fight for female independence but also demonstrate how societal expectations are internalized and passed down, even as the younger generation seeks to break free from them. Virmati’s desire for freedom, although she achieves it to some extent, comes with a heavy emotional cost, and her relationship with her mother becomes a tragic reflection of the larger struggles of women at the time. As Kapur poignantly writes:

"Virmati had been so sure that breaking away from her family’s grip would bring her peace, but all she had found was more pain. In the end, her education, her love affair, and her defiance had cost her the very things she had tried to protect: the love of her family, the warmth of her mother’s approval" Kapur (1998).

This quote encapsulates the emotional complexity of Virmati’s rebellion and underscores the heavy price of defying tradition. In seeking to carve out her own identity, Virmati loses the connection with her mother and the family she once knew, highlighting the painful intersection between personal desires and familial obligations.

 

3. The Parallels Between Personal and National Struggles

Manju Kapur draws compelling parallels between the personal struggles of the female characters and the broader national fight for independence. The aspirations for autonomy and freedom that each character grapples with—particularly Virmati—reflect the broader socio-political upheavals of the time, such as the partition of India and the emergence of a newly independent nation Kumari and Dang (2021). The personal rebellion against the social constraints placed on women echoes the collective resistance against colonial rule. As the novel explores Virmati’s quest for personal freedom, it subtly mirrors India’s fight for self-determination, highlighting the intersection between the personal and political. Virmati’s desire for education, independence, and love represents more than just a personal struggle. It symbolizes the aspirations of an entire generation of women who seek to break free from the restrictive norms of family, marriage, and motherhood. She perceives education as a means of empowerment and sees it as a way to liberate herself from the societal constraints placed on her as a woman. As Kapur writes:

“Education had become her passport to freedom, a freedom she could not articulate but felt in her bones. It was not merely about the knowledge it would give her but the power to choose a life that would be entirely her own” Kapur (1998).

In this case, the way Virmati comprehends education as a kind of liberation correlates with the liberation that India was trying to obtain. As India struggles to gain its independence against the British colonial authority, Virmati also wants to liberate herself of the conventional duties of daughter, wife and mother. She finds out though, as the quest to freedom starts, that it is not a smooth sailing categorically. It is rife with family tension, emotional tugs and social rejection.

This tie between person and political liberation is aptly intertwined all through the novel by Kapur. Much of the emotional and social struggle in Virmati in her pursuit to get education and a sense of self is replicated in the nation at the time during partition. The bloodshed, displacement, and the opposite poles the country is struggling with at the time coincide with the inner strife and emotional turmoil Virmati is experiencing when attempting to find her way between her own wishes and the ones of the family Chakravarty (2012). One of the many ways in which Virmati can strongly identify is in the emotional distress she is undergoing on the day of the partition. Kapur poignantly expresses it with his owninos.

“As the country was torn apart by partition, Virmati found herself equally divided between the life she wanted and the life she was supposed to have. Both her body and her nation seemed to be under siege, caught between two opposing forces—one pushing her toward submission, and the other urging her to break free” Kapur (1998).

This passage beautifully captures the way Virmati’s personal struggle for autonomy mirrors the national struggle for independence, as both must confront external forces trying to maintain the status quo. Both Virmati and India are forced to negotiate between tradition and progress, personal desires and societal expectations. Just as India was attempting to reconcile its colonial past with its new identity as a free nation, Virmati is caught between the traditional familial roles imposed on her and her aspirations for self-actualization Saraiya (2010).

The novel also explores the idea that achieving independence, whether personal or national, does not come without consequences. The attainment of freedom, whether political or personal, brings about the need to navigate the complexities of responsibility and self-realization. Virmati’s journey toward independence is marked by sacrifices, alienation, and regret, just as the journey toward national independence is fraught with loss, trauma, and division. Kapur reflects on this dual cost of freedom:

“Virmati’s yearning for independence had led her to make choices that left her estranged from her family and the social world she once knew. Similarly, as the country gained independence, it was not without its own sacrifices, with families torn apart, communities displaced, and an entire people left to grapple with the aftermath of freedom” Kapur (1998).

Kapur draws a poignant parallel between the personal and national struggles for freedom, emphasizing that while both are hard-won, they come with complex repercussions. Just as India’s post-independence era is filled with the challenges of re-defining identity and navigating the aftermath of partition, Virmati’s personal journey towards freedom results in her alienation from her family and societal disapproval. This connection between personal freedom and the broader national context serves as a critical commentary on the cost of independence and the challenges faced by those seeking it.

 

4. The Evolution of Female Identity

Manju Kapur presents the evolving journey of female identity through the lives of her protagonists—Kasturi, Virmati, and Ida—each representing a different phase of womanhood in India’s socio-political landscape. The novel intricately weaves the challenges these women face in asserting their identities, which are shaped by both their personal desires and the constraints imposed by tradition Sree (2007). As each character grapples with these pressures, the evolution of female identity in a changing society is presented as a complex, often painful, process.

Kasturi, the first of the three generations, is a representation of the ideal traditional woman. Her identity is completely defined by her familial roles—as a wife and mother. For Kasturi, personal desires or self-assertion are secondary to the duty she feels towards her family. She accepts her fate without question, embodying the societal expectation that women should remain within the domestic sphere, fulfilling their roles as wives, mothers, and caretakers. As Kapur notes:

“Kasturi had long given up any hope of personal freedom. For her, the cycle of childbirth, child-rearing, and maintaining the home was the purpose of her life. Her existence was built around service to her family, and she found fulfillment only in this role. Anything outside this was unthinkable” Kapur (1998).

Kasturi’s sense of self is entirely tied to her family’s reputation and well-being. Her acceptance of this role, though, does not come from a place of contentment, but rather from a deep-rooted belief in the necessity of self-sacrifice. For Kasturi, to live for oneself is selfish; therefore, she finds her identity in submission to the family and the social order. This, however, leaves her unable to understand the aspirations of her daughter, Virmati, who challenges the very structure of their existence.

Virmati, in contrast to her mother, begins her journey as a young woman who desires not only education but freedom from the traditional roles assigned to women. Her identity is rooted in a quest for autonomy, a process that requires her to reject her mother’s values and the societal pressures that bind her Singh (2010). As she pursues higher education, Virmati begins to see the world beyond her family’s expectations. Her intellectual growth and yearning for independence become defining aspects of her character. However, the process of self-realization is fraught with conflict, as her desires clash with the obligations she feels toward her family. Kapur writes:

“Virmati had always wanted more than what was expected of her as a woman. The books she read, the ideas she encountered, and the growing desire to break free from her familial chains ignited a fire within her. But with every step toward independence, she found herself shackled tighter, her sense of self becoming more fragile in the face of familial duty” Kapur (1998).

Virmati’s rebellion is not just against the societal norms of her time, but also against the traditional expectations set by her mother. The struggle for identity becomes a painful journey of self-exploration, where Virmati seeks freedom in education and a love affair, only to find herself trapped in a cycle of guilt, alienation, and unfulfilled desires. Her evolving identity is one of continuous tension, where her aspirations for autonomy often conflict with the realities of familial and societal constraints Wani (2022). The third generation, represented by Ida, marks a shift in the narrative’s exploration of female identity. Unlike her mother and grandmother, Ida is born into a society that is more open to women’s education and independence. However, Ida’s story is one of self-doubt and a desire to break away from the shadow of her mother’s struggles. While Virmati’s journey toward self-realization involved confronting familial expectations, Ida's battle is more internal. She seeks to differentiate herself from her mother's legacy, wanting to be something entirely different and yet finds herself grappling with similar challenges in forming her own identity. As Kapur writes:

“Ida had always felt that her mother’s life, and by extension her own, had been one of endless struggle. She did not want to follow in her mother’s footsteps, nor did she want to be defined by the same chains of expectation. But as she grew older, she realized that the very struggles that made Virmati difficult were the ones that shaped her own life and choices” Kapur (1998).

Ida's narrative is defined by her reluctance to conform to the same patterns of self-sacrifice and submission that defined her mother and grandmother’s identities. However, she soon realizes that her pursuit of individuality mirrors the same struggles faced by Virmati and Kasturi. Ida’s eventual recognition of her mother’s sacrifices leads to a profound shift in her understanding of female identity. It is only after her mother’s death that she begins to appreciate the depth of her mother’s personal turmoil, leading her to reclaim a more complex understanding of what it means to be a woman, an individual, and a daughter Doley (2011). In contrast to the constrained identities of Kasturi and Virmati, Ida’s life signifies a more liberated, albeit complex, form of identity. While she has the freedom to pursue education and self-actualization, she is still burdened by the societal pressures of marriage and familial expectations. The irony, as Kapur reveals, is that despite the social and personal freedoms available to her, Ida struggles with the same internal conflicts her mother did, reflecting the inescapable nature of generational inheritance. As she reflects:

“It was never the same afterwards. The realization that I was my mother’s daughter—that I had inherited all her struggles, her pain, her contradictions—haunted me. And yet, this inheritance, I realize now, was not something to be ashamed of. It was part of who I was, part of the identity I could never escape” Kapur (1998).

This reflection marks a turning point in Ida’s understanding of her identity. Whereas she initially wanted to reject her mother’s legacy, she now comes to terms with it, realizing that the pain and struggles Virmati endured were integral to the shaping of her own life. Ida’s acceptance of her mother’s legacy signals a broader transformation in the novel’s exploration of female identity, suggesting that the complexities of womanhood cannot be understood in isolation but are instead shaped by the painful inheritance of generational struggles.

 

5. The Emotional and Psychological Toll of Rebellion

Manju Kapur depicts the emotional and psychological burden of rebellion against societal and patriarchal norms and expectations especially on Virmati and Kasturi in an extremely elaborate manner. The search of independence, learning and individual identity brings about deep rooted levels of isolation, guilt and regret which in the search of independence can be very costly in nature to the individual. Internal conflicts the women encounter are the moving commentaries to the emotional prices of noncompliance with traditional norms and the transmission of pain and emotional strife across the generations. The need to have her own freedom leads Virmati to lose her emotional and psychological control Jyothi and Gorak (2018). As soon as she initiates her pursuit of education, Kasturi, her mother, opposes her because her mother holds that the major responsibility of the woman is to the family. When Virmati rebels against the conservative ideals of her mother, she progressively feels isolated and is caught in a conflict between her own level of empowerment and the needs of her family. The tension of this battle finds its expression in her emotional distress and psychological distress. Kapur writes:

“Virmati was caught between the world of her family’s expectations and the world of her own desires. Her education had opened a door to a new way of thinking, but with that door came a heavy price—loneliness, guilt, and the sense that she was abandoning everything she had known” Kapur (1998).

The toll that the revolt of Virmati has taken emotionally comes out in the form of her acrimonious relationship with her mother. Kasturi, who cannot make sense out of her daughter wanting to study and independent life, perceives this disobedience by Virmati as defying the traditions as well as the motherly love. Virmati repudiates the values posited by Kasturi, and in the process, she ends up isolating herself emotionally. In a lot of ways, the independence that she tries to gain is not only a campaign against the expectations of her mother but also against her own family burden and the imbibed feelings of guilt and family responsibility Rao (2015). Further, Virmati falls in love with the married Professor Harish and hence her psychological condition gets more complicated. The affair, to which she initially attributes her own kind of an escape and exhibition, turns out to become a cause of emotional conflict. Being pulled into the illicit relationship Virmati becomes confused with shame and guilt and even doubts her choices and their implications of actions. Her mental burden of what she has done grows so heavy that she is left feeling like an outcast among her own family as well as with the society that she used to live in. Kapur explains how:

“The shame of her relationship with the professor, coupled with the isolation she felt from her family, was a burden she could no longer bear. What had started as an act of defiance against tradition had turned into a personal prison, and Virmati found herself trapped within the walls of her own choices” Kapur (1998).

In this excerpt, the mental price Virmati pays to staging this rebellion is emphasized, where once a liberating action, now it has become a cause of immense self-destruction. Her rebellion, in its quest of independence, comes to the point of a complete emotional and psychological collapse as she perceives that her actions have put her in a moral and an emotional slush into which she suspects that there is no way out. Kasturi also has a psychological burden of her own, but it is based on her adherence to tradition as opposed to her defiance. The sacrifices that Kasturi makes to achieve what she is expected to do causes her emotional imbalances. She defines her life with self-sacrifice in all respects, which tells her to sacrifice not only her personal requirements but also her health and well-being towards her family honor. Kasturi does not see this role as a question but internalizes the idea that women have to submit to the needs of the family and serve it. This conviction has a cost to her emotional and physical well-being by being continuously fatigued and physically degrading. Kapur describes:

“Kasturi could not remember a time when she was not tired, when her feet and legs did not ache. Her back curved in towards the base of her spine, and carrying her children was a strain, even when they were very young. She had filled the house as her in-laws had wanted, but with another child there would be nothing left of her” Kapur (1998).

Kasturi does not undergo emotional and psychological suffering as a result of her rebellion but as a result of her total submission in the role of being a mother and wife. The construction of her identity, based on self-sacrificing, serves to totally exhaust her emotionally and physically disable her. The psychological effect of this impact on Kasturi is that of silent suffering since she never questions her fate but rather turns into a victim of what is expected of her. She is so busy taking care of her family and being a mother that she cannot acknowledge her needs, and consequently, she suffers emotional burnout Singh (2015). In her turn, Ida, the third generation, is focused on the emotional expense of the battle that both her mother and grandmother underwent. In spite of being born in a society that bears her more freedom and possibility to express herself as she is, Ida is overwhelmed by psychological traumas left by her mother, Virmati. The fact that Idas rejects the plight of her mother and prefers to live a different life than her mother lead is, is as a result of an inner emotional conflict. When she grows up, however, she can also see through the complicated side of the decisions that her mother made and how her mother was emotionally affected. Looking back on the life of her mother, Ida says:

“I know now that my mother’s rebellion was not just against tradition, but against the very idea that women should live for others. She sought to live for herself, but that desire came at a cost. I inherited that same conflict—between my desire for independence and the emotional baggage that came with it” Kapur (1998).

Commenting on the fact that her mother was so much more self-sufficient than can be seen nowadays, Ida addresses the emotional impact this burden has on her, which can be observed throughout the entire album. Though Ida has a free hand in following her own ways, she cannot file free of the baggage of shattered emotions and self-thought that her mother had to live with. In a sense, the same pressures that drove her mother to struggle to achieve independence influence the emotional of Ida in psychologically bringing her down. This cycle of transmission of emotional pain between generations is an indicator of the complicated history of revolutions- that on one hand is also empowering and on the other, comes with the pain too.

The psychological and emotional cost of defying the norms is one theme that can be seen to work against the pain and the cost of seeking independence within a patriarchal society. There is a high emotional and psychological price to pay in the search of autonomy on the part of Virmati, Kasturi and Ida: Alienation and guilt are the emotions that Virmati must struggle with as she tries to escape the ties that bind her to her family, the silent but emotional suffering of Kasturi as she accepts the role assigned to her, or the conflict of distance that Ida has with inherited pain that her mother went through. Kapur brilliantly incorporates these emotional conflicts into the story, so that the price of female independence stands out as a sharp and succinct edged.

 

6. Conclusion

In Difficult Daughters, Manju Kapur captures the intergenerational conflicts experienced by three women-Kasturi, Virmati, and Ida- in the story and showcases individualistic determination to resist the social and emotional demands of a society, even at expense of emotional and psychological costs. The novel discusses the relationships between individual desires and state control specifically addressing the role of women in controlling themselves, family and the bigger picture of the socio-politics Indians were on the edge to gain independence. To show the price of being independent, Kapur uses the lines of these characters to highlight how the quest to gain independence often results in being alone, intimidated by guilt, and of living with conflicting internal emotions. The novel indicates that the battle of women rights is persistent, and changes with each generation as it tries to determine itself. At the end, this novel is a discursive analysis of how women in a patriarchal society assert themselves and negotiate their identities in view of the generational legacies of pain and sacrifice in their quest to be free.

 

CONFLICT OF INTERESTS

None . 

 

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

None.

 

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